Jenna Fontaine and Jenevieve Rantisi: Sound Design- Short Film Treatment
Let Me In...title still in progress
Log-line: A girl who is home alone becomes a victim of her own mind when she hears a strange voice beckoning her to “let go of the fear.”
General Flow/Scipt:
The screen is black. We hear a furious tapping noise. Then there is a hand, white against a dark table and casting a shadow. We see a multitude of fast angles, but never the face of the person whom the hand belongs to. The tapping stops, and the camera lands on a girl’s face. We see a close up of the girl’s face, with wild eyes searching. We hear her thoughts: She left me for one night. Just one night...
We see a full shot ofGirl: the small, dark room she is in.
...And now I’m here. Now I’m here...
There is a dull office with a man at a desk sitting across from a woman. The man looks tired and is dressed in a suit. The woman looks distraught and her eyes are looking into space. Girl: ...At least it’s quiet now.
The man is writing on a piece of paper. He looks up.Detective: [bored tone] What were you doing while your daughter was at home?
After a moment, the detective coughs. We see the lady close up jerking her head to look at him.
Woman: I left her for one night...
We zoom in all the way into the girl’s eye. We still hear the tapping
Woman: ...Just one night.
We zoom out of a clock set at an evening time and track over to the same woman preparing to leave a house. There is a still soft tapping of the girl’s hand on a table in the background.
Woman: I know I don’t usually go out at night, but work’s been so hectic. I really need a break.
Girl: It’s alright, Mom. I understand.
Mom: Are you sure? I know how you feel about being home alone at night.
Girl: [whispers] It’s alright.
Mom: [sigh] Okay. Hey I’ll order you a pizza! Just cheese?
She puts some money on the banister.
Girl: [quietly] Thanks. [frantic whisper] Lock the door!
Mom: Will do. Love you!
The girl, fear in her eyes, nods in reply. We hear the mother’s footsteps going down a flight of stairs as we linger on the girl’s face. She walks over to the top of the stairs when it closes, listening. She hears the deadbolt click and smiles a bit.
She is sitting cross-legged on a couch with all three lights on. She is absorbed in the television, but her expression is neutral. She jumps at the sound of some people chatting next door. She shakes her head and returns to the TV. Then there is an unintelligible whisper. The girl sighs and turns up the volume on the TV. But the loudness of the whispering dominates the TV. She presses mute, and the whispering stops.
The girls face twists in confusion and she turns off the TV. She gets up and walks over to the next room, a dark portion of the house. The whispering continues.
Voice: [voice of girl, distorted] Come. Come. Let the fear go and be free. It’s easy.
The girl turns on the light, but the voice stops. She turns it off again and the voice starts again, repeating the previous lines. The girl steps out into the dark room and continues, looking for the source.
Girl: [franticly] Mom. Mom! Is that you? Stop it and come out.
Voice: Forget about Mom. You don’t need her. Just come. Come. Let the fear go. Let me in and be free. It’s easy.
The girl runs to her room, turns on the light, and locks the door behind her. The voice begins to overlap. She sits in the corner, eyes shut, hands over her ears, rocking back and forth.
Girl: [frantic whisper]: Shut up. Shut up! [she begins to cry] Shut up! Shut up! Shu...
There is a loud knock on the door. The girl jerks up, alert. The whispers stop. Then there is a single whisper.
Voice: Just do it! Stop the fear for once.
The girl, neutral-faced, stands up, goes into another bedroom, opens a drawer, takes out a gun (fake no worries!) and walks slowly to the door, hand trembling. She slowly turns the deadbolt, opens the door, points the gun at the pizza man,
Voice: Let me in and be free.
Pizza man: Hey, wha...
Bang bang. The girl smiles madly.
Girl: [distorted voice] See, it’s easy.
Zoom in to the girl’s wild eye.
Zoom out of her eye in the dark room again. The girl is still tapping furiously.
Voice: You thought I’d gone. [tapping stops] Wrong. You live your life in fear, so I’m taking it.
Girl: [desperate]: Leave me alone!
Girl: [distorted voice]: [chuckle] Never.
The girl smiles madly. Fade to black.
Sound Design plays and important role in the development of the conflict/character because the distorted voice is what leads the girl to go crazy and kill. The interior monologue is also meant to give a sense of intrigue. It is important to the setting because the girl is alone in the house and the dark room. The subtext is emphasized with the italicised words as well as the captions, especially with the frantic whispering that demonstrates the girl’s fear. We will have foley sound effects for the pen scratching, the deadbolt locking, some of the tapping, the TV, the distant chattering, and the (fake!) gun going off. The rhythmic match will be associated with the opening shots when we see the girl at different angles, but not her face. The sound bridge will be used a few times, such as when we hear the girl finishing her thought in the beginning when the girl says “At least it’s quiet now,” when the mom says “Just one night,” and the tapping noise during flashbacks/forwards. The most obvious leitmotif is the evil twin’s voice. We also associate her with the tapping of her hand because of her anxiety. When there is tapping, we know it’s the “good” girl, but otherwise we depend on the distorted voice to know for sure she’s not. Music will also be added to accompany the different personalities: evil or good. For example, sad music will fade in after we are shown the first shot, but during the very last shot there will be dark music. That will be added in the 2-column script (dialogue was just really important, so we put it in the general flow).
I really like your story line. It seems very interesting! I feel like if you go with your idea, the story line incorporated with the sound techniques you want to use, will turn out incredible. I think some parts might be hard to do, but knowing you, you can pull it off! Keep up the hard work and keep the ideas rolling because this one is a amazing idea! (:
ReplyDeleteWow I'm really amazed with this film idea! Very creative and I like how it seems to have some elements from Black Swan. Maybe show more of what she is afraid of other than just being left home alone so we have more of a back story. Other than that great job and i can't wait to see what you guys create!
ReplyDeleteI didn’t get your logline much but once I started reading the flow of the piece I could visually see what you two are going for. I’m amazed at the idea for this and I think how you structured your piece, the importance of sound will definitely come out. I liked the idea of showing the mother in a dark room, nervous and frantic, with the detective. I just want to ask why show the detective as bored? Could there be any other emotion he could have that works better because dealing with this kind of woman and case, I don’t think he would be bored. In the flashback, I think it would be cool to heighten the sounds of the mother leaving and the daughter being alone. I can’t wait to see it.
ReplyDelete1.) I think their intent for this piece is to show the cruel things fear can make people do.
ReplyDelete2.)The first important plot point is the interrogation scene because it leads into the scene of that "one night". The second is when the mother leaves the girl alone at home. The third is when the girl begins hearing the distorted voice haunting her. The final plot point is when the girl retrieves the gun from the drawer.
3.)The climax of this story is when the girl kills the pizza man.
4.) The resolution is when the distorted voice explains that she will never leave the fearful girl, that she is going to take her life away. This causes the girl to go mentally insane.
5.)The story concludes with the girl, traumatized by the happenings, slowly slipping into a mentally-ill state.
6.) The dialogue between the girl and the evil twin is the very important because they reveal their contrasting personalities. We can see that the evil twin's tempting words causes the innocent girl to go crazy and kill the man out of fear.
7.)The evil twin pushes the story forward through her manipulative and persuasive use of dialogue. She is successful in having full control of the girl by taking advantage of her fears.
8.) I think that the first scene is a little confusing and needs a little more development. you never return to that scene so does that mean it is not as significant?
Wow i cant wait for it! It seems so interesting but really scary. Like Black Swan :) I think if you guys work really hard to make the film happen like the treatment it will be good. some elements are confusing but you can adjust them along the way.
ReplyDelete1) The intent is to show the fear one can have from themselves. Inner fear.
ReplyDelete2)The first plot point is when her mom leaves her and she starts hearing things. The second is the sound so she goes to her room and the third is the pizza man.
3) The climax is when the girl gets the gun and shots the pizza guy as he delivers the pizza.
4) The resolution is the girl being fearful, she will be scared and go crazy.
5) The conclusion is the girl shooting the pizza guy. She went crazy.
6) The most important lines of dialogue are when the "voice" was saying "stop the fear for once, just do it." The voice told her to kill the pizza guy because of her fear she shot someone.
7) the character that controls the scene is the "voice" because it is controlling the girl and taking over her.
8) The additional comment I have is just to make sure you get good actors because you have a great idea, you don't want that idea to fall flat just because of the actors.This treatment like i already said seems really good and entertaining but has to have a lot of time put into it to make it as good as you make it seem. But keep up the work hopefully you'll have a good outcome!